I'm pretty sure, if given the chance, my cat would kill me.

I have spent the last couple of days on a "work retreat" with my District. We rented a lodge up in the mountains and divided our time equally between working, eating and shotgunning pbr. Of course some amazing things happened, many silly things, and things were learned. Overall, I had an amazing time bonding with people that I work with. If you remember correctly my camera is out of commission, so I relied on my iphone to document many of the moments. Others were thanks to Melissa and her freeness with lending her camera to me (she understood the importance of having "Urban Trading Cards"- trust me not everyone did). Also Chris came through with the most amazing camera of all...a WATERPROOF digital camera. I almost peed my swimsuit when I got my hands on that! There are several series in this post... and gasp- photos of people! 

Series 1: Urban Outfitters Trading Cards

Voss and Shelly Williams



Megan Macenroe



sychronized tub



Fritz Fris



Melissa Madden



Andy Roddick



Tiger Folster



Henry Palmer



Darwin Sanders


Sit Boo Boo Sit. 

Josh Beckham

Series 2: Shotgun Bridge Club ( I also almost peed my pants on this little jaunt bc I was laughing so hard)

We had to carry all the discards in our hands the whole walk back, and hide them from the backwoods folk driving by, who were already suspicious of us...







weapon of choice!




Shape shifter!


Sasquatch!


RUN!

Series 3: Waterproof Camera??!!

In the hot tub, many hours after shotgun bridge club was formed, Chris busted out a WATERPROOF CAMERA. Obviously none of these people know me very well, because they were shocked by my obsession with it. I almost drowned taking these pictures, and I think at one point we had people holding us under water to make sure we got the shot without bouying up to the surface. I think it was all worth it.

I miss you.

I'm sorry I am terrible at keeping in touch. I miss you guys. and I'm pretty sure you two and Rob are the only ones reading this. Which makes me laugh. 

p.s. Katie- I found the red dress and got excited and wore it in St. Lucia as a secret before I sent it back to you... and i broke the strap. I am going to fix it and send it I swear. It is the cutest dress in the history of red dresses. To make up for it, I am also sending a pair of jeans that you will love. 

p.p.s. Tyra- I want to see a photo of your tiny body compared to your huge baby belly. Mainly so I can laugh at you, but also because you are the cutest in the history of the world. 

Oh yeah, I added that last photo because it is freaking disgusting- that is NOT beer! It is Kansas rain water! 

and this one is for Rob for reading this everyday and answering asinine questions like- was it funny? what else? Did you like it?  and also for doing interpretive dances on command. oh yeah, and because there is a rocket pointed at his butt- that too is for you, Katie:)

I lied at church

I lied at church tonight. Several times in the same conversation. I was walking along, cruising towards the door to leave after a long day of 50th Anniversary Church Activities. I was feeling pretty good, I had been extremely social and not lied a single time about anything- this did not occur to me until later as i rarely lie, but in retrospect I feel i could have at that moment felt proud because I had not been lying. I am cruising along, and all of a sudden an arm shoots out and grabs me, "Are you the youngest Horst girl?" a familiar looking old woman asks me, clinging to my arm. "Yes...I am, ummm Shelly. It's so good to see you!" (at this point i am saying this to anyone who recognizes me, as I remember no one). The woman-Vi I find out later, grabs at my left hand and holds it up examining it with a look of pity and disappointment, I realize she is looking for a ring. "Oh, don't worry, I have a boyfriend, we've been together 5 years, we live together in Seattle." Silence. SHIT SHIT SHIT. That is a cardinal sin! I quickly backtrack when I observed the look of absolute Horror on her face,"I MEAN, we both LIVE in Seattle- ha ha ha- we don't live TOGETHER! HA HA HA!" She almost passed out on the floor she was so relieved. "I thought you meant you lived TOGETHER the way you said it, but you're a smart girl, you know better than that. Honey, just WAIT until you get married!" "Oh ABSOLUTELY, I will wait, yes I am smarter than that, I'm sure we'll get married soon, don't worry!" I COULD NOT STOP LYING. "Well I have to go! It was great to see you! Bye!" Then RUNNING out of the church, almost collapsing on the grass..."Mom I lied at church." I found out today that the woman I lied to is not only a church elder, but also the LONGEST member of the church, a founding member at that. Geez.

By the way, the photo above was taken in the ladies bathroom of my parents church. The border says "A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Just something to ponder in the ladies room.

Sky Blue Sky

My camera decided it no longer wanted to shoot in Newton. After the last shot in this post was taken, my lens stopped working. It might have had something to do with the fact that it was at least 95 degrees outside and oppressively humid, but I like to think it was telling me something. Whether it meant to or not, it made me pull back from the analysis of my childhood. I will probably never be able to pull far enough away to really see where I came from.  These shots were taken at Athletic Park, at the Newton "Blue Sky" monument. It was built for some anniversery of the Newton Rotary Club. It is pretty amazing in person. My nephew was playing a baseball game nearby, I didn't get any shots of the game because my lens broke. And unfortunately that also means no shots of the Mennonite church reunion... 

Lupe's is officially one of the best taco stands in the entire world. I feel incredibly sorry for anyone who has not experienced it. It was literally erected directly on top of the parking lot that already existed there before it, and that is the floor in the seating area. My friend Kylie is convinced that their secret is that they use government issue cheese. And although I'm not sure exactly what that is, or specifically what she means by that, I am positive she knows something I don't.

Wind Energy

I spent today walking around Newton in the blazing heat with my nephew, Jerod. He is 11 years old and absolutely wise beyond his years. Within a 5 minute conversation he not only told me he agrees that George Bush is a bad president, but also that he heard that gas prices could reach $7 a gallon if the cost of a barrel of oil reaches $(insert correct number here). Wow, so we went on to talk about different energy ideas and what we will have to do to make things better (I kept it basic since he is obviously a very good listener and any made up statistics and ideas from me would inevitably reach his parents ears quickly- he is obviously much smarter than I am so I have to be careful). I took a few photos of our walk. Side note: we were walking to game stop to buy his brother a wii game for his birthday, in order to get there we had to go through walmart's parking lot. This lovely child told me hates walmart just like I do, although he's not sure why. 

side note: his little brother Kenton told me he wants Obama to be president, but he's pretty sure George W. was a really really good president. and if he could be president he would invent "free day" in which all things everywhere would be free. oh, yeah, he would also like to make smoking illegal (Newton just passed a smoking ban- even the kids are up on local politics here!)

Truck Stop Love

Currently in my hometown of Newton, KS and man am I excited. I think I am going to get some really great material and photos here! I have only been in town a few hours and I have already been to my favorite spot: Newell's Truck Stop. This is the 24 hour diner where we used to go in high school after parties. After hours high school style, wasted 16 year olds smoking cigs and eating cheesy hash browns. I don't care what anyone says about growing up in a small town, I learned some life skills! I only got a couple of shots tonight, but I will make it a point to go back and really try to capture the spirit while I am here. I was so happy to see a photo of what the rooms in the hotel upstairs look like, the rumors about that hotel ran rampant! Even though it was recently remodeled, it is still very much what I imagined! Maybe a few less stains... I added some KS wares that are for sale in the gift shop. I swear there is more to Kansas than the Wizard of Oz...Did anyone see In Cold Blood? Wait a minute,,,