I hate Santa Claus

Santa Claus totally freaks me out. I have a very hard time understanding how anyone could think of him as an endearing character. It goes back to when my father owned a pharmacy and every year we would have a pizza/christmas decorating party. The party was so fun. We got pizza for crying out loud. But the part where Grant and my Dad would climb up to the attic above the store and pull down the LIFE SIZE, MOVING SANTA CLAUS, that was where i started getting nervous. I'm sure when this life size moving santa was new, he was an innovation, people probably thought he was the most amazing thing ever, probably came to the store just to see him and I'm sure they bought more gifts because of him. But by the time I was around Santa was ancient. He still jerkingly bowed forward, laughing ho ho ho...and he was always positioned up above the shelves on a bed of angel hair where he COULD SEE YOU WHEREVER YOU WENT. He had those kind of eyes that followed you. 

The other scary Santa I encountered as a youth was the one that my parents kept on the hearth. He was probably 3 feet tall, approximately how tall I was at age 2, that extremely impressionable age. This particular santa had a very old lined face, his piercing blue eyes squinted in anger, his hard plastic hands in a permanent claw position, ready to strike. Also on the back of his gloves were lines that looked a lot like veins. I would stand and stare into his mean little eyes for what seems like hours. I had so many nightmares about that little man that when the chucky movies came out I couldn't go see any. It was too real. 

Today I was thrift shopping and came across an entire aisle of Christmas Merchandise in June. There was no shortage of scary santas. Examples to follow:

AAAAA! Evil! Look at that face!

He has two black eyes! Or blue eyeshadow on! I'm pretty sure he is drunk too!

This one's drunk too! And what is he doing with that bear???

Do I even need to point out that his arm is completely twisted around the wrong way? and what is he asking for? Money? My soul? Look at those beady eyes. His head actually did the exorcist thing as soon as i put down the camera.

Big head little body. I think he is using that Drum for transportation somehow...

This guy is just silly. I mean really. Santa doesn't go for uconn!!! Everyone knows evil Santa cheers for Duke! I'm pretty sure he is pledging allegiance to the flag. Geez, look at those shoes. What is he a leprechaun? (another terrifying movie about a small mythical man...)

This is where it all went down. Great sign. Cheap mugs.

topics of discussion for when i am less exhausted:
1. Voice lesson #1 Son of a preacher man
2. Passport nightmare aka how i might lose my job
3. Sailing the wild seas of lake union aka duckdodgers! (www.duckdodge.org)
4. my allergies are killing me aka my conversations with acupuncturists, chiropractors, and herbalists
5. dinner consisting entirely of greens aka i actually ate greens and like them?! who am i?

the pictures below may or may not apply to the topics above. deal with it.

Doesn't he look like a character from Where The Wild Things Are? Look at those bat ears!


Find Petty! I swear i didn't set this up.


Find Wolverine! Yes, that is a ceramic wolverine. Thank you America.


I was the one who suggested we buy chard...and then actually ate it. Rob made it with lots of olive oil, garlic and red pepper. I ate it so fast i feel kind of sick. but i ate it. and kind of liked it.

This was one of the most fun nights of my life. Thank you Phoenix Butterfly. and Crew. and DuckDodge. and Banjo. 




I always wanted to do this, but never did. Thank you to whoever pushed down that fence. It made my day.

Top of the World

I don't like to fly. I never took physics so I don't understand the science behind it. To me it seems absolutely ridiculous that we are able to fly. It also seems like the plane could fall out of the sky at any moment, and I have convinced myself that any negative thoughts about this matter while on a plane actually will increase the chances of it falling out of the sky. One of my friends is a flight attendant, and I have met a few pilots in my day, and so I have interrogated them quite thoroughly about the matter. Here are some amazing little tidbits I have picked up through the years.

1.What does a pilot think when there is turbulence?

-I think it is annoying because it is making my cereal harder to eat.

2. Could a thunderstorm make a plane fall out of the sky?

-Yes, it has happened before. A large drop in air pressure can also drop the plane. That is why we fly around storms.

3.Have you ever killed a bird by hitting it with your plane?

-Yes. Actually a large flock of birds flying into the engine have crashed planes before. So if there is a large flock of birds in our path we turn on our radar, it repels them.

4.(asking a flight instructor) Would you ever want to fly commercial flights?

-I'm not sure. That is a lot of souls to be in charge of.

5.Could a plane flip over and still be saved?

-yes, those planes could do dives and flips and still be fine.

So in order to see the positive side of the fact that my job requires air travel, I have recognized that because we, as humans, were never SUPPOSED to see the world from that angle, that I should revel in it. Therefore I always have to have a window seat, and I am always staring out of it. I love the contrast of sun, clouds and blue sky. I love seeing the stars. I love flying into a major city on a clear day so you can see the skyline. I love the way the sun glints off of rivers and lakes. 

no sleep 'til...Brooklyn!

Somehow Brooklyn has gotten extremely clean and seemingly safe in the 5 years since I made it my temp home. I saw literally ONLY ONE broken beer bottle. and it doesn't smell anymore... it's a strange strange new world. No one even hit on me in spanish. Here are some shots of a new bar that the Heather's took me to in Williamsburg tonight, and my walk home to the hotel. 

the difference between dirt and earth

My throat hurts. I am allergic to NYC air, dust and filth. I'm not even sure where all the dirt comes from, there is no grass or earth here. Just cement and humans. eww human dirt. I am having a good time though I am sick with allergies. I am staying in Williamsburg and have been able to revisit some of my old haunts. I do like the energy of new york, it is vibrant. and it's easier to fade into the background when there are constantly a zillion people around you. There is something comforting about that. 

Tand Stickor, Omnichords and Baris

A lot has been going on this week with work. I have been in Portland prepping one of my store's for a visit from the Visual Director of the company (read: my bosses boss). Therefore my right brain has been in overdrive, seriously trying to figure out ways to really make Portland stand out to them, as a result, my left brain was pushed to the wayside, making my communication and rationality skills absolutely nil. When you venture too far into one brain or the other, it gets a little off in there. 

There is a very real possibility that we will be moving to Portland in the near future, which makes me so happy. Not that I don't love Seattle, but I just fit better in Portland. It feels more natural to me. Besides, we might be able to buy a house here! So in our nomadic ways Rob and I have both managed to need to spend the week in Portland, sharing the hotel responsibilities between our two employers and using our free time to work on our new musical project...which is a secret. shh don't tell.

In that vein, Rob has been teaching me how to play the omnichord. which I am having a hard time thinking about how to explain it, so I will defer to wiki: 

An Omnichord is an electronic musical instrument manufactured by the Suzuki Musical Instrument Corporation. It typically features a touch plate and numerous chord buttons. The most basic method of playing the instrument is to press the chord buttons, and strum the touch plate. Omnichords often feature preset rhythms with a tempo control which the player may use as accompaniment. Other features may include a selection of voices, and effects such as vibrato and sustain, as well as a chord memory in more advanced models.

In other words: awesome. So he is teaching himself the baritone ukelele, while I am learning the omnichord, and we are practicing beatles songs and both singing, in our room at the ace hotel at 5 in the afternoon. We actually could smell cigarette smoke drifting in from our neighbors room while we were playing. There could be 2 reasons for this. 1: He was really FEELING the music and needed a smoke to help him enjoy it even more. 2: He was so stressed out by the intensity of sound coming from our room he had to smoke to chill out. Either way, we definitely had an EFFECT on him. Although Petty seemed uneffected by the whole scene... he just napped through the chaos.

The second set of pics are from my harvest of Rob's wheatgrass crop. I don't mind cutting this kind of grass. Speaking of which, if Rob and I do end up buying a house we are going to have to look into real NW landscaping (ie: no grass) because i really hate cutting grass, and Rob always wears a weird outfit of KC Royals shorts, no shirt and sunglasses with a trucker hat while mowing, which just makes everyone feel uncomfortable.